I wonder if it’s better not knowing how long you’ll live. If you knew you’d be gone tomorrow, you’d probably tell someone you have been in love with them for a long time. You might ask forgiveness. You might try something daring, or cook the biggest meal of your life.

In just six months, four people that I knew passed away. The oldest was seventy-two. The youngest, thirty-eight. Three died due to health reasons, one by suicide. Perhaps I will attend more funerals than weddings and baby showers from now on.

I’m about to turn forty, and sometimes I fathom when my last birthday will be. Maybe these are the echoes of midlife crisis charging towards me like a cavalry, reminding me about the inevitable countdown.

Carl Jung said: “Life begins at forty. Up until then, you are doing research.” This quote is very comforting, although I don’t think learning stops at forty for life to begin.

I don’t regret not knowing better twenty years earlier, even if a bit of knowledge could have spared me from a number of mistakes. However, I do wish I was more emotionally and mentally mature to face the unpredictabilities of life. 

Complaining too much and over-rationalizing things made me miss opportunities when they showed up on a gold platter. I can’t do anything to go back and change the decisions I made. They will remain with me, as they have shaped me into the person I am today.

The best I can do now is share with you the things I have learned best these past forty years, by observing my life and others’. Hopefully you’ll have plenty of time to pave a better road for yourself.

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