Click play to watch on YouTube.

Last week, I finished editing a video that may be the most ambitious I have done in my life. Its budget is zero (well, not entirely true). Shot on my iPhone. Edited with LumaFusion on a Mac. Myself narrating. And subscribed to a music library to get wild with as many tunes as possible.

As usual, I struggled giving this video an improper title that stirs attention. The days of playing it safe are over. At the same time, I couldn’t risk the algorithm banning my opus and going back to flipping burgers (which I have never done for money, only in my kitchen).

Laziness overpowered me at ten in the evening, and while laying in bed, I went straight to my executive bitch: ChatGPT. I uploaded my script to the humanity-ending software and requested a list of ideas for a title with the specific intent of being SEO friendly and catchy.

Its response:

Engaging & Click-Worthy Titles:

1. I Filmed Puerto Rico’s Tourist Traps… Here’s What Really Happens

2. The Ugly Truth About Puerto Rico’s Most Expensive District

3. San Juan Is Not What You Think – A Real Look at Puerto Rico’s Capital

4. Rich Tourists Love This Place… But Should You?

5. Exploring Puerto Rico’s Miami – The Good, The Bad, and The Absurd

6. Old San Juan vs. Condado – Puerto Rico’s Two Faces

7. What They Don’t Tell You About Puerto Rico’s Most Famous Beach

8. The Price of Paradise – Who Really Owns San Juan?

9. The Real Puerto Rico – Beyond the Instagram Filters

10. Tourists Keep Dying Here, and Nobody Listens…

I found the suggestions dull. They resembled similar titles to other videos on YouTube and feared competition. I needed something more absurd. ChatGPT gladly provided new ideas.

Unhinged, Cinematic, and Absurd Titles:

1. I Accidentally Became a Tourist in San Juan – Send Help

2. Surviving San Juan: Sun, Chaos & Questionable Life Choices

3. This City Wasn’t Ready for Me – A Puerto Rico Misadventure

4. I Went to Puerto Rico and Started a War With a Seagull

5. San Juan: The Movie (Now Featuring Poor Decisions & No Budget)

6. I Tried to Tour San Juan Like a Normal Person… It Didn’t Work

7. The Most Unhinged Travel Guide to Puerto Rico You’ll Ever See

8. I Took a “Relaxing” Trip to San Juan and Instantly Regretted It

9. San Juan’s Tourists Are Wild, and I Have the Footage to Prove It

10. Exploring Puerto Rico Like a Main Character in a Bad Action Movie

For the record, I didn’t fight with a seagull (see ChatGPT’s suggestion #4). I’m an animal lover, except when I eat them cooked.

My pissed-off level skyrocketed because I felt AI was working against me. I put down my phone and decided to use that soon-to-be obsolete organ called the brain.

Having been a fan of YouTube since the fall of cable TV, I am aware that videos with ridiculous titles often get higher recommendations and viewership. Some even exaggerate the video’s actual content, but I didn’t want to be dishonest.

I’d rather be sincere and quirky-preposterous without pushing it. To do so, I asked myself: what are the main two or three things my video demonstrates? Answer: near-topless people on the beach, an old cathedral, and a fortress built by slaves.

My follow-up question was: how can I narrow those three topics to a title? “God, slaves, and half-naked people.” Voila! 

However, I needed someone’s opinion, and resorted back to my executive bitch. After the software kissed my butt telling me how funny and unique the title was, ChatGPT suggested that I should replace “people” with “tourists” as the keyword has higher search-engine traffic.

And that is how “God, Slaves & Half-Naked Tourists” came up. Will it work? I have no clue, but can’t wait to find out.